I'm over it

I'm so over these people and the foolishness. Like, I don't understand it. Maybe it's because of the school year coming to an end and I'm just done. Or maybe, I'm just over everything. I don't know. But I can honestly say there's about 2 people I want to talk to and be around right about now. Maybe I'm just annoyed with all the crap being spewed out. Whether online or in person. I'm tired of it. I don't care. But just because I don't care doesn't mean everyone else doesn't. 

I need to let it go.

It's whatever. We're not together a never were. But that slight feeling has made an impact. I just want it to be over. I'm used to being numb. But something is just, gnawing away at me. I just wanna be numb. I just want to go home and get away.

You know what's scary?

Feeling like; you've lost your faith, you don't have control over what's going on around, everything's going against, not being able to let go. I never thought it would be me. I've seen it before and sympathize with other people but I never imagined how hard it would me. I can't stop but feel like I could've done something better. That this is karma. For not being nice enough, for not caring enough, for not being a better person. But then I want to kick myself in the butt for feeling this way. I can't even remember the last time I cried this much. I'm scared and I hate it. But I'm not gonna tell anyone. I'm gonna hold it in and let it kill me. Because that's the only thing I know how to do and the one person I want to tell it to is in a different state and this can't be sad over the phone. I hate this. Feeling this way. Like i'm helpless and can't help. But I need to be strong. For her, for me, for everyone else. 

I've gotten to a point where I just don't care.

It's not my job to worry about anyone else. I just need to handle me and mine. I'm human just like everyone else so who am I to judge? But, that doesn't mean I can form opinions off of what I see. But then again I can't act on it. I'm just worried about me. I'm gonna have fun and do me regardless. That's all I can do and all I want to do. Be free and live.

Crew Love

As much as I love my friends and my crew, I get annoyed after a while. I have to take breaks from them and just take some me time. It can range from an hour to a couple of days. But it just gives me time away to think. But no matter what, if my crew is as down as they say; we will end up back at square one with each other.