Watching other people's kids makes me not want to have any.

1. Watching other people's kids makes me not want to have any. Like, these kids are so bad sometimes and their parents let them do whatever they want. Like, they're generally good children but when they start acting up, they really act up. Like, it's ridiculous. Ugh, but on the bright side, it's my last day of baby sitting.

2. I hate when people try to short change me. Like, if you know what you wanna pay me, then tell me. Don't ask me and then say you don't wanna pay that price. If you don't tell me what you want, then i'm gonna say what I want and that should be what you give. And honestly, I understand we're in a recession but don't short change me. Considering the amount of work I do, you should pay me accordingly because I don't have to do this. I'm find hanging out with my friends and doing what I want but instead i'm helping you. Especially when i'm up until the crack of dawn. 

Honestly, I like The Weeknd. But,

He's one of those artists that you can only listen to for a certain amount of time or it gets annoying. 

If I say you're my friend, then basically you're like family.

I will look out for you like it's nobody's business. I'll do just about any and everything I can to makes sure you're okay and feel good about yourself and love you unconditionally. As long as you're willing to do the same. 

I'm so tired of feeling like my best isn't good enough.

I'm tired of keeping everything in and just ignoring how I feel. I'm tried of feeling like my feelings aren't as important as everything else. I'm tied of people telling me it's okay when it's not. I'm tired of people acting like i'm overreacting every time i show the slightest emotion. I'm tired of people acting like the understand when they don't. I'm tired of always feeling like shit. I'm just tired. 

I'm slowly but surely starting to become more comfortable with my self.

It's gonna take much more time but I'm becoming more comfortable in my skin and accepting my flaws. There a few things I want to change but their minor and can be done with time and effort. 

I really want to be a vegetarian. Or at least a pescatarian.

But it's so hard to maintain at my school. All of the vegetarian alternatives are very unappealing and it's very rare we have a meal with just fish. Ehhh, It's something i'd have to start during the summer and then plan for the school year. I have this vision of my life when i'm older having an organic garden and always cooking at home instead of going out to eat and just being a healthy person..

I've got the perfect gift for my mom.

‘Miss Dior Cherie’. She’s always saying she wants a new fragrance so i’ll buy that. It’s kinda expensive considered that I can’t have a job at school but, i’ll save up. I’m also gonna try to talk my brother into buying her a tablet because she wants one soo bad. I also might buy my friend a cut out of a man but I don't even know where to buy that. I also have to figure out what to buy my brother. And I have to buy my nephew and Godmom stuff. Ugh, so many people, so little money and so little time. 

Semi Formal

The awaited day has come. It's been but annoying and cute to watch the freshmen and new students be so excited. But, they are going to be slightly disappointed, I already know. But, I have everything picked out and ready. Honestly, I care more about getting ready than I do about the actual dance itself. I don't know if that's sad or normal.

I've also been ridiculously tired lately. But then again, I haven't gone to be earlier than 12 this week. Hopefully I'll get some sleep over the weekend. But I think I have an ear infection because it hurts really bad and for no reason.....I hope my back feels better too. :(

My dress for semi-formal is beautiful.

I've already have everything together except for my hair. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. The style that I wanna do requires my hair to be a but longer.....well I think it will. But we'll seee.

Once again, this is unnecessary filler. I have nothing to write about but I feel like writing and don't want this to be boring and empty. Ugh, darn you "writer's block."

My first 'Black Friday' was a success.

The lines weren't too long, people acted like they had some type of manners, I bought a new awesome computer for $250, and I bought some really cute clothing at Banana Republic (: It was also fun to see how crazy long the lines are and how ridiculously excited people get for this "holiday", if it can even be called that. 

One negative, One Positive.

One negative: My computer's being jank and my mom said she's not putting another dime into it so i'm using hers. But I don't know if I'll be able to take it back to school with me.

One Positive: I've lost weight. At the end of the summer I gained weight from what weight I previously was. And now I've lost weight. So, I've at least lost 3 pounds. Yay (:

I hate when people keep me waiting.

Like, i'm not about to be sitting here on waiting on your when you know we have things planned. If you know we have things planned, then get off your butt ASAP and let's do them. Especially if you have me waiting on something stupid. Like, really? Don't waste my time. It's annoying and rude. 

Honestly, I don't feel bad for people who kill themselves.

I feel sympathy for the situation that their past situations but, the fact is, they chose to kill themselves instead of taking action over their situation. They allowed people control how they felt about themselves and their actions instead of taking the situation into their own hands and refusing to let life take a huge dump all over them. Don't let someone else's behavior impact the way you feel or think about yourself. Take control. It's all up to you. Don't blame society, your parents, teachers, friends, enemies, etc. for your problems. Take control and think before you act. There is no point in making a permanent solution to a temporary action. 

I always feel bad when I spend money.

And to make it worse, my mom complained about it. But, on the brightside I can always exchange.

P.S. I really have nothing to say. At this point, i'm just writing dumb filter because i'm bored and need something to do and I don't want this blog to be empty.....but it doesn't really matter.

I don't even know what to talk about.

I haven't been on here in a while and I just felt like I should write something but I have nothing to write. Sometimes, things will come to mind that make me want to blog about but, i'm just not feeling it today. So, I'll just go back to watching Degrassi. They just showed a clip of the new freshmen and...well, they suck. It's unfortunate but very true. 

The other day someone called me a hipster.

And some other people agreed.....

So, I decided to try a Chinese restaurant called Peking.

And the service is terrible. I've waited at least an hour for delivery and the woman at the front desk is so rude. Honestly, as long as it has taken, I could've just waited till 5:30 when dinner is. 

All of the girls at my school are ganging up on the freshmen.

It's so dumb. Like, you were just a freshmen a few years ago. Like, shut up. Especially if you're supposed to be a freshmen. What kills me is when sophomores are doing the bashing. You stopped being a freshmen like, a few months ago, you're not that special. If you're gonna bash someone, bash them because they suck not because of their age or grade. 

So, my father's attempt to fix our relationship (via text mind you) included:

• Making excuses about how his father wasn't there for him
• How he didn't have anyone to really show him love
• How everyone he loves is dying
• And basically making seem like we've had such a perfect relationship.

Here's the truth about our relationship

• He was never there for me
• He's been to 5 of my my birthdays at the most
• He's never lived more than 30 minutes away from me
• I've hung out with him, maybe 20 times. 
• He's constantly letting me down
• He's willing to raise his wife's children but was never there for me.
• He act as if it bother him to pay what little child support he has to pay
• Overall, he's a dead beat.

Stop making excuses and own up to the fact that you're the problem. We didn't have a relationship to begin with. You came and went as you please and you choose now, when i'm practically an adult to try and fix things? And you can't even do that. I'm tired of being some toy you can use as you please. I honestly, do not care anymore. I'm done. I moved on a long time ago so I suggest you do the same.

I find being alone to be so comforting

but I want to be in a relationship. Not out of desperation, just because i'd like to have someone display intimacy with. I have all these fantasies of what kind of guy I want and though it's not a lot i'm asking for, I still can't seem to find it. Maybe with this move to Chicago, it'll be a new start. But I don't know. I thought that when I came to school and when we moved across town. I won't know anyone except my step brother's friend and how often will I chill with them? Fml.

Outfit of The Day

                                               (this whole outfit was like, $25)

Even when I have money,

I feel bad about spending it. I had $63 and spent all but almost $20 of it and got a bunch of stuff for bargains and fed myself. I'm good at managing money but I always feel bad about spending it....

So,

My father called my mother talking abut how he wanted to make amends for 15 years of terrible parenting. Yeah dad, I gave you a chance when I was in middle school and you screwed that over. I've given you so many chances and you do the same thing each time. I'm happy, i'm doing fine. Don't ruin it for me. I'm practically an adult and now you want to care? No. I don't need you and I never did. I don't care anymore. I feel absolutely nothing when I think about you. To be quite honest the only thing I will ever regret is not telling how I felt. 

Feeling some hardcore nostalgia

I plan on watching crap tons of old Disney movies this movies as well as my favorite childhood Halloween movies (and maybe a few scary movies). I love October, well, I love the fall in general but October is just...amazing. 

Parents, take responsibility.

I absolutely hate when parents blame television for their children's behavior. Those shows are on for 30 minutes at a time. You raise your child until the day you die. If that 30 minutes influences your child's behavior and thoughts more than you do, there's a problem. Majority of the stars on these shoes are adults. Why would you allow your child to mimic an adult? You influence your child the most, so tell them what is and isn't age appropriate. Stop trying to blame actors and blame yourself. You have ultimate control of what your child does and watches. So take advantage of that. Sure, they can look up to a star but that shouldn't be the only thing they have to look up to.

Fashion Police

That is without a doubt the dumbest show. It's 3 D list "celebrities" and a dinosaur who wear the same black dress but with different, tacky accessories each show complaining about A-B list celebrities wearing things they couldn't even afford. They seriously tried to complain about Victoria Justice's dress because it's backless. I'm sorry but, you shouldn't be complaining about an 18 year old who plays a high school student on a television show when they make padded bras and g-strings for 4th graders. The show is not targeted towards children. It's a show about a high school student. Just stop talking.

(here's the dress she was wearing.)

I don't understand,

Why do girls flaunt teenage pregnancy like it's cute? Because it's not. You don't even have your diploma but you have a baby? That's not something to be proud of. You don't have a plan on how to take care of yourself, let alone a baby but you're proud of that?