Of Insomnia

So, I kinda sorta have insomnia. But it's not severe so I refuse to talk to anyone about it. Besides, I realize the source of it, I just can't fix it. I always worry about thing before I sleep. All surrounding my uncertainties in life, especially with being good enough. It's distressing, but I contain it well. It's also probable that if j actually talked to someone about things it wouldn't be as bad. But I'd much rather internalize everything and solve it all myself. (Which hasn't gotten me very far.) 

Does hard work always pay off?

So, the academic year is coming to an end and there are so many things I feel like I have either failed at or just didn't fully accomplish. I've been thinking a lot lately about how "hard work pays off". Let's be honest, hard work is important and hard work doesn't guarantee anything in life. Nothing does. It just feels like there are so many things I've tried to accomplish but I literally canNOT reach them. The more I think about schools, college,  and everything else; the angstier I become. 

Outfits from the past two days

The weather's been weird, but my outfits have been nice.

1 week in

Been back at school and so far everything's been going well. I've been doing pretty rad in my classes , but then again, there isn't much to go off of since we just started. Fortunately, I've been able to manage some free time, workouts, and homework. I've also noticed an improvement in my skin since I've come back to my beautiful, Southern climate. However, I know last week and this week will be the busiest this quarter. However, I'm not one to stress so I'll just take it all in stride. I've got too much going on to stop and be stressed. But yeah, this is just a nice little update. 

New Year, New Adventures!

So far, the New Year has been filled with some exciting adventures. At the moment, I'm in Canada. This is my first time both in Canada and out of the country. I leave in a few days, but I've enjoyed these three weeks. Once I leave, I get a brief 2 day stay at home, then off to school. This year, the new year, I'm focusing on me. I don't mean this in a selfish, "everything's about me" way. More like, I'm working/focusing on continually becoming a better me. I've got it, kinda planned out but...not really. I know what I want and I have no idea how I'm gonna achieve a lot of it, but that's were the adventures come in. Not focused on boys, clothes, negativity, people, etc. I'm focused on doing what I want and what makes me happy. I'm not sure what the point of this post is. All I know is, I'm at a coffee shop in Canada and I'm making it look like I'm actually doing something with my life...which, I guess I am. I probably, also feel bad about how little I post. Maybe this year I'll try to at least make monthly updates. If I can't do anything else. 

Not so much resolutions.

Since the new year is coming, many people are making their resolutions. I don't really like to make resolutions. There are things that I will always continuously need to work on and I'm going to work on that from now until the day I die. Therefore, I don't confine things changes to one year (a bit hipsteresque, i know). Despite my lack off resolutions, there are a few things I want to especially focus on. For one,
I want to lose at last 30 pounds before the summer. I had began working out last year but, I've hit a plateau  I lost a relatively nice amount of weight. However, I haven't worked out in over a month and probably won't have a chance to until February. Therefore, I'm gonna have to work twice as hard to lose the initial weight plus any weight I've gained. I'm gonna have to put a greater focus on eating better and working out more. By eating better I mean actually eating instead of skipping meals because they're terrible. An even bigger focus is maintaining my GPA and grades. I know there are certain areas I need to work on academically and my goal is to improve in these areas to the best of my ability. (I also need to take my SAT which I'm not necessarily looking forward to). As for relationships, there is minimal focus on this area. If I meet someone, that's awesome. If I don't, even more awesome. This year, I've had very few "relationships" and they've ended on pretty jank notes. Therefore, the mature members of the male species will just have to search me out. I will NOT be searching for them. My greatest goal is just to continue to better myself mentally and emotionally. I've made great strides since forever ago but there are still things I want to adjust about myself. Thankfully, I have an open-mind so I continue to remain open to new ways to improve myself. Ultimately  this year is going to be what I make it. Alongside my friends, I plan on making this year excellent. 

I can feel it

That feeling that everything is going to crash. I don't feel secure in my current positions and I hate that. Trying not to let it affect me is even harder. I just want affirmation and honesty. I feel like the majority stems from one problem in particular but, once that is solved...then what? I hate this.