A wandering Mind,

Can be a dangerous thing. It is the #1 enemy of a good night's rest. For hours, I lay in my bed trying my hardest to sleep. Unfortunately, my brain has other ideas. Instead of sleeping, I'm up wandering about life. The good, the bad, and everything else in between. It thrills and terrifies me to no end. I come to crossroads and make important life decisions, while simultaneously drowning in anxiety because of things I have no control over. The brain is a beautiful, complicated, torturous things. I'd love to write a lengthier (and way more eloquently written) post, but I can't summon the power to do so. And to make things worse, I have to be up in a few hours to start off a very busy day. 

Living in Slowmo

I feel like I'm the odd one out. It's like all the people around me are enjoying their lives and mine isn't going anywhere. I thought I'd be doing much greater things, but I'm not. I want exciting, new things to happen and I want to make it happen, but I don't know how to go about that and I don't know the people to help me do that. Everything I planned on this summer being has just, gone down the drain. It's really starting to get to me and upset me. The more I think about things, the more unhappy I become. But it's hard not to think about things when you're stuck inside all day with nothing to do but think. 

Of Insomnia

So, I kinda sorta have insomnia. But it's not severe so I refuse to talk to anyone about it. Besides, I realize the source of it, I just can't fix it. I always worry about thing before I sleep. All surrounding my uncertainties in life, especially with being good enough. It's distressing, but I contain it well. It's also probable that if j actually talked to someone about things it wouldn't be as bad. But I'd much rather internalize everything and solve it all myself. (Which hasn't gotten me very far.) 

Does hard work always pay off?

So, the academic year is coming to an end and there are so many things I feel like I have either failed at or just didn't fully accomplish. I've been thinking a lot lately about how "hard work pays off". Let's be honest, hard work is important and hard work doesn't guarantee anything in life. Nothing does. It just feels like there are so many things I've tried to accomplish but I literally canNOT reach them. The more I think about schools, college,  and everything else; the angstier I become. 

1 week in

Been back at school and so far everything's been going well. I've been doing pretty rad in my classes , but then again, there isn't much to go off of since we just started. Fortunately, I've been able to manage some free time, workouts, and homework. I've also noticed an improvement in my skin since I've come back to my beautiful, Southern climate. However, I know last week and this week will be the busiest this quarter. However, I'm not one to stress so I'll just take it all in stride. I've got too much going on to stop and be stressed. But yeah, this is just a nice little update. 

Boys, Relationships, "Talking"...and School

There's so many questions and thoughts but I don't know what you feel or how I should feel. We're still at square one and I don't know how to move past it. Just say how you feel and be serious with me. I don't wanna put pressure on you and ruing what could be a good friendship but I don't wanna waste this. 

I remember how I had this fantasy of what high school should be.

And that fantasy has failed miserably. I also dreamed of meeting a guy who wasn't crap and just enjoying high school. I have meet many guys and it's gone nowhere. It's like all the guys I'm attracted to are nowhere to be found. I'm just sitting around like a lonely potato. But, you get over it. You find a way to get over it and move on. 

I really want to be a vegetarian. Or at least a pescatarian.

But it's so hard to maintain at my school. All of the vegetarian alternatives are very unappealing and it's very rare we have a meal with just fish. Ehhh, It's something i'd have to start during the summer and then plan for the school year. I have this vision of my life when i'm older having an organic garden and always cooking at home instead of going out to eat and just being a healthy person..

One negative, One Positive.

One negative: My computer's being jank and my mom said she's not putting another dime into it so i'm using hers. But I don't know if I'll be able to take it back to school with me.

One Positive: I've lost weight. At the end of the summer I gained weight from what weight I previously was. And now I've lost weight. So, I've at least lost 3 pounds. Yay (: