Feeling like; you've lost your faith, you don't have control over what's going on around, everything's going against, not being able to let go. I never thought it would be me. I've seen it before and sympathize with other people but I never imagined how hard it would me. I can't stop but feel like I could've done something better. That this is karma. For not being nice enough, for not caring enough, for not being a better person. But then I want to kick myself in the butt for feeling this way. I can't even remember the last time I cried this much. I'm scared and I hate it. But I'm not gonna tell anyone. I'm gonna hold it in and let it kill me. Because that's the only thing I know how to do and the one person I want to tell it to is in a different state and this can't be sad over the phone. I hate this. Feeling this way. Like i'm helpless and can't help. But I need to be strong. For her, for me, for everyone else.
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